Thursday

Mormonized Words and Phrases

In the spirit of a recent Meridian magazine article by John P. Pratt, in which he delicately renamed the planet Uranus to the much more appropriate-sounding “Chronus,” we felt it was our spiritual duty to sanitize other words, names, and phrases in the English lexicon to something we wouldn’t be embarrassed to say in sacrament meeting. We encourage all Latter-day Saints to begin using the following replacement words immediately:

Inappropriate - Mormonized
Assume - Mulesume
Bosom - Heart locker
Bush - Shrub
Chicken breast - Chicken boom-boom
Dam - Aquablock
Dick Cheney - Halliburton
Dictator - Privatestator
Hellenism - Greekish
Helicopter - Rotocopter
Hello - Heaveno
Kicking against the pricks - Kicking against the pointy things
Moby Dick - Moby Richard
Niggardly - Coloredly
Penal - Prisonal
Pianist - Ivoryist
Pistol - Arab ventilator
Shittimwood - Stinkimwood
Shih tzu - Lhasa apso
Succor - Helpor
Tit for tat - Udder for other

4 comments:

Th. said...

.

Couple suggestions.

"Heaveno" sounds like you're rejecting heaven. Need to rethink that.

Mules and asses ain't the same. Try "burroüme" or "donkeyume."

the wrath of khandrea said...

i'd like to see a follow up post where you explain that the uranus guy's article was also tongue in cheek.

it was, right? please tell me it was? sometimes, mormonism feels so awkward.

Daniel said...

I love these. Arab Ventilator? Oh my gosh. And Halliburton. I remember in my 11th grade English class, kids were nervous about reading "ass" out of Shakespeare. Come on!

Frances said...

Very entertaining. Wonderful to see such a website.If you keep up with how people find your site, I found it through a Huffington Post Mormon blogger.

However, you might want to rethink "Niggardly - Coloredly." This entry tends to reinforce the misunderstanding that this word is or is related to the insulting and similar-sounding racial epithet that it resembles in sound but not meaning. Though caution might be advisable when using the word, it is a perfectly good word, which means miserly or ungenerous.